So, for today on Teatime we’re going to talk about dates. How do yall feel about dating? Do you think its outdated? Do you feel like it’s perceived as out of style? When I was younger my older sisters dated all the time. They would bring home boys they liked to meet my parents; date them for a while, and if it didn’t work out there was another boy who would come along soon after. It didn’t seem weird. It wasn’t out of the ordinary. Honestly it was kind of like you see in the movies. The boy comes to the front door to ask the brooding father to take his daughter on a date. Of course, the dad does his duty and threatens the boy a little bit; just enough to ensure his daughters safety and then they’re on their way. The boy holds the door for the young lady and they head out to dinner on the riverfront. It’s always completely romantic and as the audience we yearn to experience some of that for ourselves. Well I recently went on a date, a REAL date, myself. The whole picture-perfect movie date.
I’m not going to lie it felt weird. Weird to introduce someone to my parents that in two weeks or even after that night I could discover was someone not worthy of my time. Someone who wasn’t as genuine as they made themselves out to be…but I guess that’s the gamble of dating. Discovering if you have that connection, that vibe with someone. It still seemed like a foreign concept to introduce him to my parents though. I never really introduced guys like that before usually because they end up playing some game or only looking for one thing—sex. My mother, however, had a lot to say about the topic. The morning before I went on my date, my mother demanded that he needed to come in and introduce himself considering he was driving me. It was for two main reasons. For one, it’s a safety precaution. Sadly, the world we live in now is a dangerous one and just in case this boy wanted to get crazy she needed to know what he looked like. The second reason, the one that made me think about my mindset and society, was that it’s about respect. It’s respectful for the man to come to the house and introduce himself to your parents before trying to date you. She claimed that it was a small step on the grand staircase of all the levels of respect you demand from an individual when you attempt to be with them. It’s all about respect. She said, “I ask for respect first, and if it’s not obliged by the mere knowledge of a man, I demand it. You have to demand respect, or they’ll never respect you”. When she said this, I understood where she was coming from; but I also recognized how society has shifted to make us feel like the old way (the respectful way) is outdated. With all this technology, you could date someone for months without even meeting them, let alone introducing them to your parents. Do you feel like it’s a respect thing?
Needless to say, I was extremely nervous about this boy meeting my parents. Not because I assumed they would embarrass me—even though they love to make me uncomfortable—but more because I didn’t know how he would act. Before this date, I barely knew the kid. We had mutual friends and I’ve shared a few jokes with him. I’d seen him at a few parties and heard some drunken passes from him, but I didn’t really know who he was. Nevertheless, he came in to meet my family and was a total gentleman. He cracked a few jokes and made a good first impression on them.
We left and headed to a restaurant to eat dinner. Our choice: Applebee’s, somewhere quaint and perfect for some relaxing conversation. The dinner went amazing. It was easy to talk to him and he seemed generally interested in me and my life. We had a lot of things in common and never let the conversation die down. I was genuinely surprised. One, because he did a little research on me. He knew all about my blog and had even read my posts. He asked me questions about why I wrote my bio in the fashion that I did, and the process behind how I developed my page. At the same time, I was also surprised because he doesn’t have the best track record. I tried not to judge him based on others perception of him, and at the time, I was glad I didn’t. The conversation continued to be light and friendly. After dinner, we didn’t really want to end the night, so we ended up going to the mall to do some window-shopping. He held my hand while we walked around, and we continued to talk about anything and everything. It was calming, fun, and refreshing. When the mall began to close at 9pm, we still didn’t want to part with each other, so we ended up driving to the reservoir. There we sat in the car, gleaming at the constellations and confessing our dreams. We were encouraging and supporting each other; helping each other make plans. Everything was going great…and then:
He done fucked up. The night was going so well guys, and he just had to mess it up. He was doing everything right; holding the doors, being kind and funny, and being fully engaged in our interactions; but his true intentions came to light. As we were sitting in the car and sweetly kissing each other, he decided it was a good idea to ask me into the back. Then this boy had the audacity to argue with me because I didn’t want to get in the back of his car and sleep with him. Like are you deadass. He was trying to claim that I didn’t want to sleep with him because I didn’t want to lose it on the first date. That for some reason, I would think that he was going to see me differently. And he thought that by telling me his perception of me wouldn’t change that I would magically want to have car sex with him. First of all, obviously this man was not paying attention to my character all night. I wasn’t going to sleep with him not because of a “respect thing” for myself or because I felt like he would “think of me differently”, but because I just don’t know you. I’m not sleeping with anyone I haven’t known for a while and felt a connection with. PSA to men: it’s not about what you think, it’s about when I’m ready and comfortable. If that’s a problem, you can suck my —-. Anyway, the fact that he was arguing about my decision wasn’t even the worst part. What got me was that he made a statement, that was also partially supposed to be a joke, but most jokes hold some form of truth. He made the remark that “I worked so hard for this, you making me put in overtime haha”. WORKED HARD FOR WHAT?
oh see, that was it lol. That was the moment he made clear that he thought taking me out on a date would allow him to smash. And that was not it.
Sufficed to say, that was the day he showed his true intentions. Later on, he continued to show he was childish and short tempered just by texting, and pretty soon after we stopped talking.
I say all of this to make the statement that, if you’re just trying to sleep with a female let her know off wrap because trying to convince her later that sleeping with you is a good idea, might just ruin a picture perfect date.
And that’s the tea,