The beginning…

The beginning…

Do you ever feel like your heart is broken? Like its cracked straight down the middle. Blood slowly pouring from the inside. Drip. Dripping… down into your other organs. It still beats but slower and slower. Until the blood drains from inside leaving it broken and hollow, just like you. So hollow you can feel the darkness inside you. Spreading like a virus. Infecting you from the inside out. It builds and builds until suddenly it’s not just your heart that feels empty. You do too. And your mind begins to work on overtime. Trying to save your body from the mess your heart made. Wanting to shield it from the pain and hurt. But your mind begins to hurt too. The doubt. The anxiety. The negative thoughts. The fear. It all begins to seep in. You just want to be free. So free that you avoid it. You avoid the pain, the anxiety, and the negativity. You put up a mask. Until it explodes. And as your bodies last defense fails you, you feel yourself crumble into the same darkness that overflowed within you. 

This is a feeling some have felt too often. Whether it’s the anxiety of becoming an adult & dealing w/ the adult problems we swore we were ready for or maybe its living under the pressure of deciding who you are. Getting over social anxiety and pressures. Dealing with the death of a loved one. Being in a toxic relationship or even living through traumatic experiences. There comes a point where we’ve all let the darkness in. Let it spread till we’ve felt numb. Allowed it control over our lives. For some of us its ruined relationships. Caused us to jump to conclusions or self-destruct. For others it’s caused us to hate ourselves. Forget what love can offer and shield ourselves from it. And some have just given up all together. 

A group of us, have fallen so far into our own darkness that we’ve forgotten our power. A certain power in life that drives us all…the power of unity. A power so great they’ve wrote about it in books, showcased it in movies, and encouraged it your entire life. Remember when your teachers and professors always made you do group projects? Or when you started school and on that first day your teachers had you do those icebreakers so you could get to know your fellow classmates? You thought those were to make you more comfortable with your newfound environment, and they were in a sense, but they were also meant to help you find someone. Find another person in the room that you could relate with, that maybe stood out to you because you liked a trait in them that you couldn’t find in yourself, or maybe even a person with a spark you never knew you needed. A mindset you were drawn to. Find someone. Because there’s power in unity. In every small way they try to teach us that life is about the relationships and the connections you make with other people. Those connections can either tear you down or help you become your best self. I hope your connection with me can be the latter. I can guarantee you one thing; it will change you. Make you see things from a new perspective. Challenge your beliefs and ideals. Help you understand what makes me, me. & in the end maybe, you’ll understand what makes you, you. 

Here we are breaking down the darkness. Rebuilding our hearts, starting with our minds. Uplifting our spirit. It’s a long journey we’ll take together. I’m still learning myself. But if there’s one thing I know, it’s that I won’t let the darkness win. I don’t know about you…but I’m tired of being sad. I want to let in the light. 

“We cling, and thus, we suffer.

We release, and thus, we soar.”

Eternal Sunshine

-APB

2 thoughts on “The beginning…

    1. Couldn’t have said it better myself! Embrace your struggles, accept them for what they are, understand the process of overcoming your own boundaries, and continue to prosper/excel.

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